Healing From Grief & Loss | Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor
Andrew Huberman
Jun 2, 2025
Mindsip insights from this episode:
Integrate loss to transform your relationship with the departed
Instead of 'letting go,' a healthier approach to grieving is to integrate the loss by transforming your internal relationship with the person who is gone.
Oscillate between loss and life-restoring activities for healthy grieving
Mental health in grieving is not a linear progression but the ability to oscillate between feeling the loss and engaging in life-restoring activities.
Recognize grief as a homeostatic drive, not an addiction
The intense craving for a loved one is not an addiction but a homeostatic drive, similar to the body's essential need for water when you are thirsty.
Differentiate between protest and despair in grief responses
Grief reactions can be divided into two main types: 'protest,' which is an active search response, and 'despair,' which is a withdrawal response to conserve energy.
Understand grief as a powerful form of wanting
The dopamine system, typically associated with motivation and reward, creates a powerful sense of yearning or 'wanting' that is a hallmark of the grieving process.
Recognize grief's physical danger to heart health
You are 21 times more likely to have a heart attack on the day a loved one dies than on any other day of your life.
Leverage social support to regulate physiological responses during grief
Social support during grief is critical because we literally outsource our physiological regulation, like heart rate and blood pressure, to the people around us.
Utilize progressive muscle relaxation to manage grief effectively
In one study, progressive muscle relaxation was found to be even more helpful for grief than mindfulness training, as it helps regulate the body's physical state.
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