Negotiation, Communication & Body Language Tactics To Upgrade Your Life & Relationships, With Former FBI Negotiator Chris Voss.

Ben Greenfield

Feb 24, 2024

Episode description

Envision a situation, whether in your personal life or professional endeavors, where you were eager to negotiate effectively but fell short, leaving all parties involved feeling dissatisfied.

Now, reimagine that same scenario with the benefit of training from a former FBI lead negotiator. How might that conversation have unfolded differently, leading to a more successful outcome for everyone?

Today's guest, Chris Voss, is a renowned author, dynamic speaker, and expert in the art of negotiation. Using captivating stories, insights, and useful tips for business and everyday life, he guides those who want to improve their negotiation skills. Chris has lectured on negotiation at business schools across the country and has been seen on ABC, CBS, CNN, and Fox News. Chris has also been featured in Forbes, TIME, Fast Company, and Inc.

During his tenure from 1986 to 2000, Chris served as a member of the New York City Joint Terrorism Task Force. His responsibilities included investigating the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, monitoring the New York City landmark bomb plot, and serving as the "co-case agent" during the investigation of the 1996 TWA Flight 800 explosion.

Chris spent 24 years working in the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit and was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator from 2003 to 2007.

After retiring from the FBI in 2007, Chris founded The Black Swan Group, a consultancy and training firm specializing in negotiation skills. His experiences have led him to share his knowledge as an adjunct professor at Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business and as a lecturer at the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California. He is also a co-author of the book Never Split The Difference, which challenges traditional negotiation strategies. His other written works include The Full Fee Agent and Empathy and Understanding In Business. As a leading authority in negotiation tactics and strategies, he created and narrated a

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Be present during calls to enhance focus and engagement

During Zoom or phone calls, multitasking can kill your focus. Being fully present, whether by looking at the camera or walking while talking, helps you absorb more and be more engaged in the conversation.

#attention

#focus

Clarify communication by asking instead of guessing body language

Reading body language can be tricky and often leads to wrong assumptions. Instead of guessing, try asking or labeling what you notice (like 'You seem upset'), which clears up misunderstandings and strengthens communication.

#relationships

Master listening to transform relationships

Truly listening to others—making them feel heard—can accelerate trust and improve any relationship, whether personal or professional. Most people don’t listen well, but mastering this simple skill can transform your interactions.

#relationships

Use mirroring and labeling to foster connection

Repeating a few of someone’s words (mirroring) or naming their feelings (labeling) are powerful tools for making people feel understood. These easy techniques can be used anywhere—from negotiations to making small talk or strengthening family bonds.

#empathy

#relationships

Frame questions to empower 'no' for positive outcomes

People feel safer and more in control when they say 'no,' especially when tired or stressed. Framing questions so someone can comfortably say 'no' can actually help move conversations and decisions forward in a positive way.

#control

#stress

Multitask with sauna and podcasts for health and recovery

Chris Voss, the negotiation expert, enjoys listening to podcasts like Huberman Lab and Lex Fridman while in the sauna or meditating. He uses this time not just for learning but also for health and recovery, showing how multitasking routines can benefit both mind and body.

#recovery

#sauna

Walk during calls to enhance cognitive performance

Taking phone calls or meetings while walking can actually help you process information better. The gentle movement of walking supports clearer thinking, making it a smart biohack for better focus and cognitive performance.

#cognition

#walking

Stay coachable and embrace lifelong learning for health optimization

Chris Voss attributes his success to being coachable and working hard. He stresses the importance of lifelong learning and always being open to new ideas, which is key for anyone looking to continually optimize their health and life.

#education

#personal-growth

Enhance mental wellness through physical health and gratitude practices

Voss points out that physical well-being is linked to mental hygiene. Activities like working out and practicing gratitude help keep your mind positive, which is essential for success in both communication and life.

#exercise

#gratitude

Maintain positivity to boost intelligence by 31%

You’re actually 31% smarter when you’re in a positive mood. Smiling, having a positive tone, and staying upbeat can make you and those around you think more clearly and creatively.

#cognition

#positivity

Prioritize collaboration for long-term success and trust

Long-term success and trust come from being collaborative rather than manipulative. Voss and his clients have found that working together leads to better results than trying to 'win' every interaction.

#relationships

#success

Practice tactical empathy to build trust and break barriers

Tactical empathy means understanding and acknowledging the other person’s feelings and views, even if you don’t agree. It’s about being fearless in facing their perspective, which can quickly build trust and break down barriers.