This Is Why You Break Every New Year’s Resolution — And How To Finally Stop | Shadé Zahrai

Rangan Chatterjee

Jan 7, 2026

Episode description

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Most of us want our lives to feel calmer, clearer and more aligned. Yet so often, we hesitate, overthink or delay the changes we know would help us feel better. This week’s guest believes that what holds us back is not a lack of motivation or confidence, but a lack of self-trust, which is the foundation that shapes everything from our habits to our relationships.

This week on, I’m joined by Dr Shadé Zahrai. Shadé is a behavioural researcher, award-winning peak performance educator and leading authority on confidence and self-doubt. In her new book, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success, her message is simple: we need to stop getting in our own way, loosen the grip of self-doubt and learn how to back ourselves when it counts.

Many of Shadé’s insights are shaped by her own journey. After years in corporate roles that were filled with intense self-doubt and even physical anxiety, she found herself starting again when the pandemic hit and her work fell away overnight. Creating simple videos from home to support others became an unexpected turning point - and ultimately the foundation of the work she does today.

During our conversation, we discuss:
● Why self-trust sits at the heart of confidence, action and meaningful change, and how waiting to ‘feel ready’ keeps so many of us stuck.
● The four key attributes that make up self-trust, how our identity shapes our behaviour and why small daily choices become meaningful “proof points” of who we want to become.
● Why confidence doesn’t come first, and why self-trust, not motivation, is what allows us to take action.
● How repeatedly breaking promises to ourselves erodes our identity, and why keeping small commitments rebuilds a sense of capability and worth.
● The powerful connection between our inner narrative and our wellbeing, and how shifting our story changes the way we experience life.

Shadé believes that we are not defined by our doubts but by the choices we make when doubt appears. This episode offers a compassionate, practical guide to strengthening the trust we place in ourselves and invites us to stop outsourcing our worth to external validation. Only then can we reconnect with our core values and begin living from a place of clarity and courage.

#feelbetterlivemore

Connect with Shadé:
Website https://www.shadezahrai.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/?hl=e
Tik Tok https://www.tiktok.com/@shadezahrai?lang=en
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/shadezahrai

Shadé’s book:
Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success
UK https://amzn.to/4bkuCHH
US https://amzn.to/4947jk4

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Episode description

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Take action to build confidence

Confidence is not a prerequisite for taking action; it is the result of taking action, which provides proof of your capability and builds momentum.

#confidence

#personal-growth

Repot yourself to expand beyond limiting beliefs

Like a palm tree whose growth is limited by its pot, your limiting beliefs create a container that you cannot grow beyond unless you choose to 'repot' yourself.

#personal-growth

Expand tolerance for discomfort to increase luck opportunities

You can make yourself 'luckier' by expanding your tolerance for discomfort, which increases the number of opportunities you are available to receive and capitalize on.

#resilience

Frame goals as part of your identity for better follow-through

You are more likely to follow through on a goal if you frame it as part of your identity, such as being a 'helper' rather than just 'helping'.

#goals

#personal-growth

Challenge beliefs to reshape your reality

A study showed people who falsely believed they had a facial scar experienced negative social interactions, proving our expectations directly shape our experience of reality.

#cognition

#mind

Anticipate obstacles with 'if-then' planning for goal achievement

To achieve your goals, anticipate the specific obstacles that will get in your way and create an 'if-then' plan for how you will handle them when they arise.

#consistency

#goals

Develop self-trust through acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability

Self-trust is built on four trainable attributes: Acceptance (self-esteem), Agency (self-efficacy), Autonomy (locus of control), and Adaptability (emotional regulation).

#autonomy

#regulation

Engage in a creative hobby to boost self-esteem

Having a creative hobby, even one you are not good at, increases self-esteem by providing an identity outside of work, a trait common among Nobel Prize-winning scientists.

#personal-growth

Face challenges head-on to overcome adversity

Like bison that run towards a storm to get through it faster, you should face challenges head-on instead of running from them like cows, which only prolongs suffering.