The Uncomfortable Truth About Life Most People Learn Too Late | Maya Shankar

Rangan Chatterjee

Mar 11, 2026

Episode description

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Most of us are quite comfortable with change when we’ve chosen it: a new job, new home or new relationship. It’s the unwanted, unexpected changes that tend to floor us - like an illness, loss or breakup - that leave us wondering who we are and how on earth we’re meant to go on.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr Maya Shankar, cognitive scientist and author of The Other Side of Change. Maya has spent years studying how our minds respond to change, and she’s also gone through some profound changes of her own – from a hand injury that shattered her hopes of becoming a concert violinist, to a long, painful journey with fertility.

We talk about so many different topics related to the theme of change, including why our brains find uncertainty so stressful, how unwanted change can reveal hidden beliefs that we hold and why witnessing other people’s courage or kindness can quietly change what we believe is possible for ourselves. We also explore a variety of evidence-based practical tools to help us deal with things like rumination and negative thought spirals.

Throughout the conversation, Maya unpacks some inspiring stories of people facing extreme adversity - things like illness, betrayal, loss and even imprisonment – who were still able to find meaning, new identities and unexpected gifts on the other side.

Yes, change is something that many humans struggle with, but as you are about to learn, with the right approach, it can be one of the very best tools to help us transform, grow and evolve.

#feelbetterlivemore

Connect with Maya:
Website https://mayashankar.com/
Instagram http://instagram.com/drmayashankar
Twitter https://x.com/slightchangepod
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjPvX8i3s7ZKQv23gBmZ_4w/videos

Maya’s books:
The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans US https://amzn.to/46TMp5D UK https://amzn.to/4bzBJf9

#feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast
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Website: https://drchatterjee.com/
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
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Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription

DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Boost resilience with self-affirmation exercises during crises

When a crisis threatens one part of your life, a 'self-affirmation exercise' involves listing all the other meaningful parts of your identity that remain intact to boost resilience.

#resilience

Anchor identity to core motivations for resilience

To build a more resilient self-identity, anchor it to your core motivations (the 'why') rather than your specific roles (the 'what'), which can be taken away.

#personal-growth

#resilience

Coach yourself in third-person for objectivity and compassion

To gain objectivity and self-compassion during a difficult moment, coach yourself using the third person, as if you were talking to a friend.

#compassion

#self-awareness

Prefer certainty of negative events over ambiguity

Our brains are more stressed by a 50% chance of an electric shock than a 100% chance, showing we prefer the certainty of a negative event over ambiguity.

#stress

Experience moral elevation to rewire your brain

Witnessing someone else's extraordinary moral actions creates a feeling called 'moral elevation' that can rewire our brains and expand our own sense of what is possible.

#emotion

#neuroplasticity

Recognize potential for personal transformation beyond current self

We falsely believe we have become the person we will be for the rest of our lives, underestimating our capacity for future personal transformation.

#personal-growth

Practice mental time travel to disrupt rumination spirals

To break a rumination spiral, practice 'mental time travel' by asking yourself how much the current problem will matter in five days, five months, or five years.

#mental-health

#stress

Reveal hidden truths through apocalyptic changes

The word 'apocalypse' comes from the Greek for 'revelation,' suggesting that world-ending changes can also reveal hidden truths about ourselves and our beliefs.

#philosophy

Explore identity through fiction and media experiences

Reading fiction or watching movies acts as an 'identity laboratory,' allowing you to safely try on new personality traits and explore different ways of being.

#personal-growth

Strengthen feet with minimalist footwear for improved balance

Wearing minimalist footwear like Vivobarefoot shoes can increase foot strength by up to 60% in just six months, which can improve balance and posture.