Science of Attraction, Compatibility & Romance | Dr. Paul Eastwick

Andrew Huberman

Jun 22, 2026

Episode description

Dr. Paul Eastwick, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and a leading expert on the modern science of mate selection in humans. We discuss what people actually look for in a partner, including surprising findings about age preferences, finances, and physical attractiveness. We also discuss why dating apps often lead people to select for traits that don't support lasting partnerships. We discuss how initial attractions form and evolve and which factors best predict romantic relationship stability and satisfaction. We also explain activities that can expand your dating pool, as well as practical tools for building and sustaining healthy romantic relationships. This episode is for anyone currently in or wanting to be in a relationship.

Show notes: https://go.hubermanlab.com/P0ICoDV

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Dr. Paul Eastwick
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Timestamps
00:00:00 Paul Eastwick
00:03:25 Evolutionary Models of Dating, Mate Value
00:08:57 Initial Attraction, Maturity
00:12:56 Sponsors: David & Lingo
00:15:21 Dating Apps; Shared Moments & Developing Attraction
00:24:17 First Impressions & Early Relationships; Partner Bias
00:31:41 Friends & Family Support; Relationship Research, Attachment Theory
00:42:15 Sponsor: AG1
00:43:34 Couple Friends, Advice from Others
00:47:35 Social Support, Women vs Men
00:55:05 Dating App Algorithms, Distrust of Men & Women
01:05:29 Activities & Dating, Observing Date Social Behavior
01:11:25 Texting, Verbal Skills
01:16:15 Sponsor: LMNT
01:17:36 Partner Actions, Dating vs Relationship
01:22:57 Dating & Asking Good Questions; Genuine Connection
01:29:36 Attraction, What Qualities Men & Women Want
01:36:18 Homosexual Dating & Relationships
01:40:08 Finances; Job Loss; Men vs Women, Ambition
01:46:28 Sponsor: Function
01:48:05 Age Difference, Men vs Women Preference; Wanting Children
01:54:58 Church, Activities, Small Groups & Dating; Work; Perceived Similarity
02:07:10 Social Media, Attraction to Alternative Partners, Infidelity
02:19:13 Stranger Attention, Mate Value
02:24:58 Past Relationship Value; Relationship Duration, Breakups
02:34:33 Physical Intimacy & Relationship Satisfaction
02:39:32 Young Adults & Changing Relationships, Technology
02:47:31 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Protocols Book, Sponsors, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

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Disclaimer & Disclosures: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Use sexual fantasies to enhance desire for your partner

Recent studies show that having a sexual fantasy about an alternative person can paradoxically increase sexual desire for one's current partner.

#relationships

#sex

Nurture initial connections to foster lasting love

The typical first impression for couples who end up in a long-term relationship is often just 'middling' or 'fine,' with attraction growing over subsequent interactions.

#relationships

Recognize ambition as a key attraction in partners

When evaluating actual potential partners face-to-face, the preference for an ambitious partner is identical for both men and women, contradicting what they often say they want.

#relationships

Encourage men to express commitment in relationships

Men are often more eager than women to commit to a relationship and say 'I love you' first, largely because their partner is their primary source of social support.

#men

#relationships

Recognize 'good lover' rating as key to relationship happiness

A person's subjective feeling that their partner is a 'good lover' is one of the most powerful predictors of their overall satisfaction with the relationship.

#happiness

#relationships

Utilize 36 questions to deepen intimacy

To accelerate intimacy, ask questions that elicit real depth and reciprocal self-disclosure, such as those found in the '36 Questions That Lead to Love' study.

#relationships

Challenge dating marketplace theory to embrace unique attraction

The 'marketplace' theory of dating breaks down as people spend more time together, because attraction becomes idiosyncratic and less about consensus.

#relationships

Acknowledge preference for younger partners in dating dynamics

Contrary to popular belief, data from matchmaking services show that both men and women are slightly more interested in partners who are younger than them.

#relationships

Prioritize perceived similarity for relationship success

Feeling like you have a lot in common with a partner is crucial for a relationship, whereas actual, objective similarity is no better than chance at predicting a match.