The Shocking Reason You're Tired, Lost & Doubting Yourself | Esther Perel

Rangan Chatterjee

May 21, 2025

Episode description

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Are we expecting too much from our jobs - and is it costing us our health, relationships and happiness?

This week I’m delighted to welcome back someone who is regarded as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern relationships, the psychotherapist Esther Perel. Fluent in nine languages, Esther has her own therapy practice in New York City, serves as an organisational consultant for multiple Fortune 500 companies and is ALSO the author of the New York Times Bestselling books, ‘Mating in Captivity’ and ‘The State of Affairs’.

Although Esther is probably best known for her teachings and wisdom on our romantic relationships, more recently she has turned her attention to our work relationships. The occasion for this appearance on my podcast is to celebrate the release of her brand new 100-question card game designed to transform your work culture – one story and one relationship at a time.

In this thought-provoking conversation, we explore how our expectations of the workplace have shifted dramatically – and why it’s creating both opportunity and strain. Esther shares that in the past, work was primarily about survival, duty and financial stability. But today, many of us are looking to our jobs to provide identity, belonging, fulfilment and even self-worth.

We discuss:
• Esther’s four key pillars of healthy workplace relationships – trust, belonging, recognition and collective resilience – and why these needs mirror those in our romantic lives
• How unresolved workplace issues can lead to emotional exhaustion, poor health choices and a reduced capacity to connect at home
• How our increasingly digital lives are reducing the everyday social skills we need to connect, communicate and collaborate
• How our personal relationship history – our “unofficial CV” – shows up at work and influences how we handle authority, conflict, feedback and boundaries
• Why managing conflict well can deepen connection – and how curiosity and honest self-reflection can transform how we show up in all areas of life

Throughout our conversation, Esther offers compassion and clarity, breaking down complex emotional patterns into simple, human truths we can all relate to – and, most importantly, act on.

She encourages us to approach work relationships not as transactional, but as relational, inviting us to bring the same level of curiosity, empathy, and accountability that we would bring to any meaningful connection.

At a time when so many of us are feeling isolated or overwhelmed, Esther’s advice shows that even small shifts in how we relate, listen and respond can spark meaningful change at work, with our families and ourselves. I hope you enjoy listening.

#feelbetterlivemore
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Connect with Esther:
https://www.estherperel.com
https://www.estherperel.com/podcast
https://www.instagram.com/EstherPerelOfficial
https://twitter.com/EstherPerel
https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official
https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel

Esther’s card game:
Where Should We Begin? At Work https://game.estherperel.com/products/where-should-we-begin-at-work

#feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast
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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Apologize first to reclaim power in conflicts

Contrary to popular belief, the person who apologizes first in a conflict actually holds the power, as it demonstrates strength and confidence.

#confidence

#relationships

Acknowledge your unofficial work resume to navigate relationships at work

Everyone brings an 'unofficial resume' to work, which is their entire relationship history that dictates how they deal with authority, conflict, and boundaries.

#relationships

Focus on what you fight for, not what you fight about

In any conflict, it's more productive to identify what you're fighting for—such as power, care, or respect—rather than focusing on what you're fighting about.

#awareness

#conflict

Foster collective resilience through teamwork

Resilience has been misunderstood as an individual trait when it's actually a collective ability to tap into the resources available within a group.

#relationships

#resilience

Challenge frictionless tech to strengthen relationship skills

Predictive technologies that create a frictionless life prevent us from practicing essential skills for relationships, such as experimentation and dealing with uncertainty.

#relationships

Combat social atrophy by enhancing unscripted interactions

Our increasingly contactless world is causing 'social atrophy,' a dekilling of an entire generation's ability to handle unscripted social negotiations.

#relationships

#socializing

Shift focus to fulfillment and belonging in identity economy

Modern work has shifted from a production or service economy to an identity economy, where we now seek fulfillment, meaning, and belonging.

#fulfillment

#purpose

Combat work stress to break unhealthy habits

Stress from feeling undervalued at work directly impacts your lifestyle, making you more likely to crave sugar, drink alcohol, or endlessly scroll on social media.