What the dying can teach us about living well: lessons on life and reflections on mortality | BJ Miller, M.D. and Bridget Sumser, L.C.S.W.

Peter Attia

Jun 23, 2025

Episode description

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BJ Miller, a hospice and palliative care physician, and Bridget Sumser, a licensed social worker specializing in serious illness and end-of-life care, join Peter to share insights from their decades of work supporting people at the end of life. In this episode, they explore the emotional and physiological processes of dying, the cultural barriers that prevent meaningful conversations about death, and how early engagement with mortality can lead to greater clarity and connection. The conversation highlights the distinctions between hospice and palliative care, the nature of suffering beyond physical pain, and the transformative role of honesty, forgiveness, and relational awareness in the dying process. Through stories and reflections, BJ and Bridget reveal what truly matters in the end—and how the dying can teach the living not only how to face death but how to live more fully.

We discuss:

  • The personal journeys of BJ and Bridget into end-of-life care, and the connection between living and dying [3:30];

  • What dying looks like: the physical, cognitive, and emotional realities at the end of life [13:15];

  • How historical perspectives on death contrast with modern experiences of dying [25:30];

  • The difference between palliative care and hospice care [30:45];

  • The systemic challenges surrounding hospice care: why patients often enter it too late to receive its full benefits [35:30];

  • How delayed hospice referrals and unspoken preferences often prevent patients from dying where and how they truly want [39:30];

  • The realities of home hospice: challenges, costs, and burdens placed of families [43:45];

  • How proactively engaging with the reality of death can avoid unnecessary suffering and promote a more peaceful ending [53:30];

  • How palliative care is misunderstood and underutilized—especially in cancer care [1:02:45];

  • Palliative care in the case of Alzheimer’s disease: emotional support, future planning, and family involvement [1:12:15];

  • The importance of having an advance directive: defining what matters most before it’s too late [1:23:00];

  • The differences

Episode description

View the Show Notes Page for This Episode

Become a Member to Receive Exclusive Content

Sign Up to Receive Peter’s Weekly Newsletter

BJ Miller, a hospice and palliative care physician, and Bridget Sumser, a licensed social worker specializing in serious illness and end-of-life care, join Peter to share insights from their decades of work supporting people at the end of life. In this episode, they explore the emotional and physiological processes of dying, the cultural barriers that prevent meaningful conversations about death, and how early engagement with mortality can lead to greater clarity and connection. The conversation highlights the distinctions between hospice and palliative care, the nature of suffering beyond physical pain, and the transformative role of honesty, forgiveness, and relational awareness in the dying process. Through stories and reflections, BJ and Bridget reveal what truly matters in the end—and how the dying can teach the living not only how to face death but how to live more fully.

We discuss:

  • The personal journeys of BJ and Bridget into end-of-life care, and the connection between living and dying [3:30];

  • What dying looks like: the physical, cognitive, and emotional realities at the end of life [13:15];

  • How historical perspectives on death contrast with modern experiences of dying [25:30];

  • The difference between palliative care and hospice care [30:45];

  • The systemic challenges surrounding hospice care: why patients often enter it too late to receive its full benefits [35:30];

  • How delayed hospice referrals and unspoken preferences often prevent patients from dying where and how they truly want [39:30];

  • The realities of home hospice: challenges, costs, and burdens placed of families [43:45];

  • How proactively engaging with the reality of death can avoid unnecessary suffering and promote a more peaceful ending [53:30];

  • How palliative care is misunderstood and underutilized—especially in cancer care [1:02:45];

  • Palliative care in the case of Alzheimer’s disease: emotional support, future planning, and family involvement [1:12:15];

  • The importance of having an advance directive: defining what matters most before it’s too late [1:23:00];

  • The differences

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Distinguish pain from suffering to manage experiences effectively

Pain is a physiological sensation that can be managed, whereas suffering is a threat to your identity, and you can experience one without the other.

Live consciously to shape your end-of-life experience

The way you die is not a separate event but a continuation of how you lived, as you will default to the same coping mechanisms and relational patterns you've practiced your whole life.

Allow solitude for peaceful passing

It's a common observation among hospice workers that many people seem to need a moment of solitude to finally let go, often dying just after a loved one has stepped out of the room.

Honor expressions in delirium before medicating

A physician's unique perspective is to not always rush to medicate delirium, as there may be something vital or important the person is trying to express.

Understand home hospice costs to prepare for caregiving expenses

The US home hospice benefit does not cover the cost of 24/7 caregiving, forcing families to pay out-of-pocket for what can be an enormous expense.

Respect natural signals of a dying body to prevent harm

A dying body naturally stops sending hunger and thirst signals to protect itself, and forcing food or fluids can cause pain and harm.

Frame wishes positively to enhance life satisfaction

Instead of creating an advanced directive focused on treatments you don't want, it's more helpful to define the minimum requirements you need to still find delight in life.

Choose to refuse unnecessary medical interventions for peaceful dying

To die peacefully in the US, you often have to actively refuse the medical system's default mode, which is to do everything possible to maintain a pulse, even if it's not a life.

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