How to Deal With High Conflict People | Bill Eddy
Andrew Huberman
Oct 28, 2024
Mindsip insights from this episode:
Wait one year before major commitments to reveal true character
To see a person's true character and avoid a high-conflict relationship, you should wait at least one year before making major commitments like marriage or having children.
Identify blame as a trait of high-conflict individuals
The key trait of a high-conflict person is a preoccupation with blaming others, which is distinct from a clinical personality disorder, though they often overlap.
Recognize Borderline Personality Disorder affects both genders equally
Contrary to the common belief that it's a female disorder, a large NIH study found that Borderline Personality Disorder affects men and women almost equally.
Implement CARS method to manage high-conflict interactions
To manage interactions with a high-conflict person, use the CARS method: Connect with empathy, Analyze choices, Respond briefly and informatively, and Set limits.
End relationships with high-conflict individuals by focusing on fit and goals
When ending a relationship with a high-conflict person, do not blame them for their behavior as it will escalate the conflict; instead, state that you are not a good fit or your goals have changed.
Utilize BIFF responses for effective communication in hostility
When responding to hostile communication, especially in writing, use a BIFF response: keep it Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.
Incorporate Maui Nui venison for nutrient-dense red meat benefits
Host Andrew Huberman recommends Maui Nui Venison as a nutrient-dense red meat with a high protein-to-calorie ratio, stating he eats their burgers almost daily.
Recognize high-conflict individuals in tolerant professions
Fields like higher education, healthcare, and nonprofits may have a higher incidence of high-conflict people due to a greater cultural tolerance for behavior outside the norm.
Recognize and resist relationship hoovering tactics
High-conflict people may try to 'hoover' you back into a relationship you're trying to end by suddenly switching from rage to seduction and begging.
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