Protocols for Excellent Parenting & Improving Relationships of All Kinds | Dr. Becky Kennedy

Andrew Huberman

Feb 26, 2024

Episode description

In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Good Inside, an education platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss actionable protocols for raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids and effective alternatives to typical forms of reward and punishment that instead teach children valuable skills and strengthen the parent-child bond. These protocols also apply to other types of relationships: professional, romantic, friendships, siblings, etc.

We explain how to respond to emotional outbursts, rudeness, and entitlement, repair fractured relationships, build self-confidence, and improve interpersonal connections with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries.

We also discuss how to effectively communicate with children and adults with ADHD, anxiety, learning challenges, or with “deeply feeling” individuals.

The conversation is broadly applicable to all types of social interactions and bonds. By the end of the episode, you will have learned simple yet powerful tools to build healthy relationships with kids, teens, adults, and oneself.

Thank you to our sponsors
AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman
Mateína: https://drinkmateina.com/huberman
Joovv: https://joovv.com/huberman
AeroPress: https://aeropress.com/huberman
InsideTracker: https://insidetracker.com/huberman
Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman

Huberman Lab Social & Website
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Threads: https://www.threads.net/@hubermanlab
Twitter: https://twitter.com/hubermanlab
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hubermanlab
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hubermanlab
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-huberman
Website: https://www.hubermanlab.com
Newsletter: https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Good Inside website: https://www.goodinside.com
TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategy
Good Inside book: https://www.goodinside.com/book
Podcast: https://www.goodinside.com/podcast
Newsletter: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drbeckyatgoodinside
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeckyatgoodinside
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@drbeckyatgoodinside

Journal Articles
The tenacious brain: How the anterior mid-cingulate contributes to achieving goals: https://bit.ly/48p5SZW

Huberman Lab Episodes Mentioned
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett: How to Understand Emotions: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-lisa-feldman-barrett-how-to-understand-emotions
The Effects of Cannabis (Marijuana) on the Brain & Body: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/the-effects-of-cannabis-marijuana-on-the-brain-and-body

People Mentioned
Gabor Maté: physician and author: https://drgabormate.com
Ronald Fairburn: psychiatrist and psychoanalyst: https://psychoanalysis.org.uk/our-authors-and-theorists/ronald-fairbairn
James Hollis: Jungian psychoanalyst and author: https://jameshollis.net/welcome.htm

Timestamps
00:00:00 Dr. Becky Kennedy
00:02:44 Sponsors: Mateína, Joovv & AeroPress
00:07:35 Healthy Relationships: Sturdiness, Boundaries & Empathy
00:14:34 Tool: Establishing Boundaries
00:18:24 Rules, Boundaries & Connection
00:22:19 Rewards & Punishments; Skill Building
00:29:48 Sponsor: AG1
00:31:16 Kids & Inherent Good
00:34:06 Family Jobs, Validation & Confidence, Giving Hope
00:41:54 Rewards, Pride
00:44:48 Tool: “I Believe You”, Confidence & Safety; Other Relationships
00:52:15 Trauma, Aloneness & Repair
00:57:07 Tool: Repair & Apologies, Rejecting Apology
01:01:04 Tool: Good Apologies
01:03:35 Sponsor: InsideTracker
01:04:37 Tool: Rudeness & Disrespect, Most Generous Interpretation
01:12:32 Walking on Eggshells, Pilot Analogy & Emotional Outbursts, Sturdy Leadership
01:20:49 Deeply Feeling Kids; Fears, Sensory Overload
01:30:10 Co-Parenting Differences & Punishment
01:37:11 Tool: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); Meditation
01:41:20 Tool: Tolerating Frustration, Screen Time, Learning
01:51:57 Grace & Parenthood, Parenting Job Description; Relationship to Self
01:55:24 Tool: “I’m Noticing”, Asking Questions; Emotional Regulation
02:01:15 Adolescence & Critical Needs, Explorers vs. Nomads
02:09:58 Saying “I Love You”, Teenagers; Family Meetings
02:15:07 Self-Care, Rage & Boundaries; Sturdy Leaders; Parent Relationship & Conflict
02:22:08 Tool: Wayward Teens, Marijuana & Substance Use, Getting Additional Help
02:30:03 Mentors
02:34:26 Tool: Entitlement, Fear & Frustration
02:41:57 Tool: Experiencing Frustration; Chores & Allowance
02:46:31 Good Inside Platform
02:51:27 Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Sponsors, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

#HubermanLab #Parenting #Relationships

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com

Disclaimer: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

Episode description

In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Good Inside, an education platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss actionable protocols for raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids and effective alternatives to typical forms of reward and punishment that instead teach children valuable skills and strengthen the parent-child bond. These protocols also apply to other types of relationships: professional, romantic, friendships, siblings, etc.

We explain how to respond to emotional outbursts, rudeness, and entitlement, repair fractured relationships, build self-confidence, and improve interpersonal connections with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries.

We also discuss how to effectively communicate with children and adults with ADHD, anxiety, learning challenges, or with “deeply feeling” individuals.

The conversation is broadly applicable to all types of social interactions and bonds. By the end of the episode, you will have learned simple yet powerful tools to build healthy relationships with kids, teens, adults, and oneself.

Thank you to our sponsors
AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman
Mateína: https://drinkmateina.com/huberman
Joovv: https://joovv.com/huberman
AeroPress: https://aeropress.com/huberman
InsideTracker: https://insidetracker.com/huberman
Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman

Huberman Lab Social & Website
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@hubermanlab
Twitter: https://twitter.com/hubermanlab
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hubermanlab
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hubermanlab
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-huberman
Website: https://www.hubermanlab.com
Newsletter: https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Good Inside website: https://www.goodinside.com
TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategy
Good Inside book: https://www.goodinside.com/book
Podcast: https://www.goodinside.com/podcast
Newsletter: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drbeckyatgoodinside
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeckyatgoodinside
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@drbeckyatgoodinside

Journal Articles
The tenacious brain: How the anterior mid-cingulate contributes to achieving goals: https://bit.ly/48p5SZW

Huberman Lab Episodes Mentioned
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett: How to Understand Emotions: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-lisa-feldman-barrett-how-to-understand-emotions
The Effects of Cannabis (Marijuana) on the Brain & Body: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/the-effects-of-cannabis-marijuana-on-the-brain-and-body

People Mentioned
Gabor Maté: physician and author: https://drgabormate.com
Ronald Fairburn: psychiatrist and psychoanalyst: https://psychoanalysis.org.uk/our-authors-and-theorists/ronald-fairbairn
James Hollis: Jungian psychoanalyst and author: https://jameshollis.net/welcome.htm

Timestamps
00:00:00 Dr. Becky Kennedy
00:02:44 Sponsors: Mateína, Joovv & AeroPress
00:07:35 Healthy Relationships: Sturdiness, Boundaries & Empathy
00:14:34 Tool: Establishing Boundaries
00:18:24 Rules, Boundaries & Connection
00:22:19 Rewards & Punishments; Skill Building
00:29:48 Sponsor: AG1
00:31:16 Kids & Inherent Good
00:34:06 Family Jobs, Validation & Confidence, Giving Hope
00:41:54 Rewards, Pride
00:44:48 Tool: “I Believe You”, Confidence & Safety; Other Relationships
00:52:15 Trauma, Aloneness & Repair
00:57:07 Tool: Repair & Apologies, Rejecting Apology
01:01:04 Tool: Good Apologies
01:03:35 Sponsor: InsideTracker
01:04:37 Tool: Rudeness & Disrespect, Most Generous Interpretation
01:12:32 Walking on Eggshells, Pilot Analogy & Emotional Outbursts, Sturdy Leadership
01:20:49 Deeply Feeling Kids; Fears, Sensory Overload
01:30:10 Co-Parenting Differences & Punishment
01:37:11 Tool: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); Meditation
01:41:20 Tool: Tolerating Frustration, Screen Time, Learning
01:51:57 Grace & Parenthood, Parenting Job Description; Relationship to Self
01:55:24 Tool: “I’m Noticing”, Asking Questions; Emotional Regulation
02:01:15 Adolescence & Critical Needs, Explorers vs. Nomads
02:09:58 Saying “I Love You”, Teenagers; Family Meetings
02:15:07 Self-Care, Rage & Boundaries; Sturdy Leaders; Parent Relationship & Conflict
02:22:08 Tool: Wayward Teens, Marijuana & Substance Use, Getting Additional Help
02:30:03 Mentors
02:34:26 Tool: Entitlement, Fear & Frustration
02:41:57 Tool: Experiencing Frustration; Chores & Allowance
02:46:31 Good Inside Platform
02:51:27 Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Sponsors, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

#HubermanLab #Parenting #Relationships

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com

Disclaimer: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Utilize silence to reclaim power after rudeness

Doing nothing in response to a rude comment is a powerful and underutilized strategy that makes the other person sit with and re-own their words.

Recognize trauma as aloneness, not just events

Trauma is not the event itself, but what happens inside you when a highly emotional event is processed in aloneness without a safe connection.

Use "I believe you" to foster self-trust and confidence

Saying "I believe you" is a powerful tool for building confidence, which is defined not as feeling good about yourself, but as self-trust.

Shift focus from rewards and punishments to nurture intrinsic goodness

Relying on rewards and punishments is based on the flawed assumption that you have to control kids, which undermines their intrinsic goodness and long-term skill development.

Establish true boundaries to empower personal choices

A true boundary is a statement of what you will do that requires the other person to do nothing, distinguishing it from a simple request.

Cultivate sturdiness for healthy relationships and leadership

Sturdiness, the ability to be connected to yourself and someone else simultaneously, is the key to healthy relationships and leadership.

Recognize entitlement as fear of frustration

Entitlement is not about being spoiled, but is a deep intolerance and fear of the feeling of frustration.

Purposefully introduce frustration to enhance learning resilience

It is critically important to purposefully insert moments of frustration into a child's life to build the circuitry for tolerating the learning process.

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