"We Learn It Too Late" - 5 Regrets Trapping People From A Life Of Purpose & Meaning | Gabor Maté

Rangan Chatterjee

Apr 3, 2024

Episode description

VIVOBAREFOOT is sponsoring today's show. To get 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER visit: https://bit.ly/3TEodgh

Download my FREE Breathing Guide HERE: http://bit.ly/3WbGHUw

Since his first appearance on Feel Better Live More, way back in 2018, Dr Gabor Maté has become a valued friend, as well as a regular guest. I’m proud to say that he recently joined me in London as a guest speaker on the Prescribing Lifestyle Medicine course that I co-created with Dr Ayan Panja, to teach healthcare professionals the principles of lifestyle medicine.

We recorded this conversation - Gabor’s 4th appearance on my show - a couple of weeks ago in London the day before that event, and we both agreed that it is perhaps our favourite conversation to date.

For anyone not aware, Gabor is respected the world over as an expert on trauma, stress, addiction and childhood development. He is a physician, speaker and international bestselling author of some truly game-changing books such as When the Body Says No and The Myth of Normal - which has just come out in paperback.

As this is Gabor’s 4th appearance on my podcast, I was keen to explore some new ground and different topics. Gabor has worked as a family doctor as well as in palliative (end of life) care. Back on Episode 383 of this podcast, I had a wonderful conversation with Bronnie Ware, author of the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying and I thought it would be interesting to examine each of these 5 regrets, through the lens of Gabor’s thoughts and work.

We chat through all five of these regrets and Gabor provides some thought-provoking insights on each of them. He explains why we work so hard to the detriment of time with family and friends. We talk about how disease can be a teacher, why it’s vital children grow up able to express their emotions, and how we wish more doctors were aware of the connection between emotions and physical health.

We discuss happiness and if it’s possible to be happy or seek happiness when there is so much suffering in the world. This leads us on to talk about the nature of forgiveness, curiosity, compassion, and also regret. Gabor says that living life with ‘no regrets’ is about learning and understanding from your perceived mistakes, but not being unkind to who you were then. Instead we should recognise that we did the best we could do at the time.

Like all of my previous episodes with Gabor, this is a powerful conversation full of compassion, knowledge and wisdom. I hope you enjoy listening.

#feelbetterlivemore
-----

Connect with Gabor:
Website: https://drgabormate.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate/
YouTube: @drgabormate9132
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate

Gabor's books:
The Myth of Normal - US: https://amzn.to/3VIyuKV UK: https://amzn.to/3RAgDB9
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - US: https://amzn.to/49pVcuq UK https://amzn.to/2zlLbR5
Scattered Minds - US: https://amzn.to/3xsANHL UK: https://amzn.to/2PvKYou
When the Body Says No - US: https://amzn.to/49nWczj UK: https://amzn.to/2zdWc6B
Hold on to Your Kids - US: https://amzn.to/4aB7QrF UK: https://amzn.to/2QUCAeK

#feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast

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Read THE STRESS SOLUTION https://amzn.to/2MZ8u8h
Order THE 4 PILLAR PLAN available via http://amzn.to/2yGfpuB Or the US version is HOW TO MAKE DISEASE DISAPPEAR https://amzn.to/2Gj1YEL
-----
Listen to all podcast episodes on https://drchatterjee.com/podcast or via these podcast platforms by searching for 'Feel Better, Live More'.
Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore
Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/6NyPQfcSR9nj0DPDr2ixrK
-----
Follow Dr Chatterjee at:
Website: https://drchatterjee.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee
Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/
Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription

DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Episode description

VIVOBAREFOOT is sponsoring today's show. To get 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER visit: https://bit.ly/3TEodgh

Download my FREE Breathing Guide HERE: http://bit.ly/3WbGHUw

Since his first appearance on Feel Better Live More, way back in 2018, Dr Gabor Maté has become a valued friend, as well as a regular guest. I’m proud to say that he recently joined me in London as a guest speaker on the Prescribing Lifestyle Medicine course that I co-created with Dr Ayan Panja, to teach healthcare professionals the principles of lifestyle medicine.

We recorded this conversation - Gabor’s 4th appearance on my show - a couple of weeks ago in London the day before that event, and we both agreed that it is perhaps our favourite conversation to date.

For anyone not aware, Gabor is respected the world over as an expert on trauma, stress, addiction and childhood development. He is a physician, speaker and international bestselling author of some truly game-changing books such as When the Body Says No and The Myth of Normal - which has just come out in paperback.

As this is Gabor’s 4th appearance on my podcast, I was keen to explore some new ground and different topics. Gabor has worked as a family doctor as well as in palliative (end of life) care. Back on Episode 383 of this podcast, I had a wonderful conversation with Bronnie Ware, author of the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying and I thought it would be interesting to examine each of these 5 regrets, through the lens of Gabor’s thoughts and work.

We chat through all five of these regrets and Gabor provides some thought-provoking insights on each of them. He explains why we work so hard to the detriment of time with family and friends. We talk about how disease can be a teacher, why it’s vital children grow up able to express their emotions, and how we wish more doctors were aware of the connection between emotions and physical health.

We discuss happiness and if it’s possible to be happy or seek happiness when there is so much suffering in the world. This leads us on to talk about the nature of forgiveness, curiosity, compassion, and also regret. Gabor says that living life with ‘no regrets’ is about learning and understanding from your perceived mistakes, but not being unkind to who you were then. Instead we should recognise that we did the best we could do at the time.

Like all of my previous episodes with Gabor, this is a powerful conversation full of compassion, knowledge and wisdom. I hope you enjoy listening.

#feelbetterlivemore
-----

Connect with Gabor:
Website: https://drgabormate.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate/
YouTube: @drgabormate9132
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrGaborMate

Gabor's books:
The Myth of Normal - US: https://amzn.to/3VIyuKV UK: https://amzn.to/3RAgDB9
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - US: https://amzn.to/49pVcuq UK https://amzn.to/2zlLbR5
Scattered Minds - US: https://amzn.to/3xsANHL UK: https://amzn.to/2PvKYou
When the Body Says No - US: https://amzn.to/49nWczj UK: https://amzn.to/2zdWc6B
Hold on to Your Kids - US: https://amzn.to/4aB7QrF UK: https://amzn.to/2QUCAeK

#feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast

-------
Sign up to my newsletter - FRIDAY FIVE https://drchatterjee.com/fridayfive
Find out about THE THREE QUESTION JOURNAL https://bit.ly/3TSaYtX
Order HAPPY MIND HAPPY LIFE. US & Canada https://amzn.to/3DRxjgp, UK https://amzn.to/304opgJ
Read FEEL GREAT LOSE WEIGHT. US & Canada https://amzn.to/2GWPgls, UK https://amzn.to/2W6bsOE
Order FEEL BETTER IN 5. US & Canada https://amzn.to/2EB2oM0, UK https://amzn.to/2G0XK7l
Read THE STRESS SOLUTION https://amzn.to/2MZ8u8h
Order THE 4 PILLAR PLAN available via http://amzn.to/2yGfpuB Or the US version is HOW TO MAKE DISEASE DISAPPEAR https://amzn.to/2Gj1YEL
-----
Listen to all podcast episodes on https://drchatterjee.com/podcast or via these podcast platforms by searching for 'Feel Better, Live More'.
Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore
Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/6NyPQfcSR9nj0DPDr2ixrK
-----
Follow Dr Chatterjee at:
Website: https://drchatterjee.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee
Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/
Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription

DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Mindsip insights from this episode:

Recognize how medical training accelerates aging

A study on medical residents found their telomeres, a mark of aging, shorten faster than their peers, indicating the stress of their training literally accelerates aging.

Express your true self to prevent chronic illness

People who develop chronic illness have often suppressed their true selves for the sake of being accepted, which has deep physiological consequences on the immune system and nervous system.

Prioritize meaningful living over mere longevity

The modern longevity movement is a sign of deep social anxiety, and the focus should be on making life meaningful in the present moment rather than just extending it.

Embrace wisdom to grow into revered elders

We should aim to 'grow older' by developing wisdom and presence, becoming revered 'elders' like in indigenous cultures, rather than just becoming 'elderly'.

Reframe PMS as a time for truth-telling

Premenstrual syndrome can be reframed not as a pathology but as a time of truth-telling, when hormonal changes sensitize you to things that are not working in your life.

Recognize hard work as a response to childhood trauma

Working 'too hard' is often driven by an unconscious need stemming from early childhood trauma to validate your existence in the world.

Allow anger to pave the way for forgiveness

Before you can forgive, you must first allow yourself to feel the full anger that's in you, because once you fully experience it, it will dissipate and liberate you.

Say no to protect your health

A simple question to ask for your health is, 'Where in your life are you not saying no when a no wants to be said?', as not saying no can play havoc with your health.

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© Mindsip 2025 – Made with ❤ in Vilnius